Alice's Disorder
by Eternally Dazzled
Summary: Charlie gets the idea that Alice has an eating disorder. Poor Alice is forced to eat HUMAN FOOD and LOTS OF IT! Will he stop at nothing to help her with her "disorder"? ------- ONESHOT


**A/n: Hey everyone! This is my 2****nd****fanfic****! I hope you enjoy! I got this Idea at three in the morning and it's been stuck in my head. ****This was my attempt at humor…**

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**Alice's Disorder**

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"Bella, I want you to do something this weekend." Charlie leaned across the table.

"Like what?" I asked; not sure where this was going.

"I don't know. I think you should invite someone over. You haven't had anyone over since... you know."

I nodded; Charlie was right; I hadn't really hung out with anyone besides Edward since Jacob ran away. I didn't think that the wedding would have such a toll on him. Wanting to please Charlie I agreed.

"Sure thing dad, I'll call Alice." I knew that Charlie had a liking for Alice… this would please him.

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Alice arrived in minutes, perkiness and all. She had at least ten bags of things with her.

"Oh my gosh, Bella we're going to have so much fun! I brought all of my make-up and beauty supplies!"

I felt my jaw drop. So _that's_ what she was carrying. Alice owned almost every single brand of beauty product on earth. Although she didn't need any of it; it was all for me. I had a feeling that we were up for a long round of 'Bella- Barbie'.

"Please Alice, please keep it subtle," I wined, knowing that it was useless.

"Silly Bella, you know that _subtle_ isn't in my dictionary."

She was right, I _did_ know that. "You owe me Alice."

Alice squealed and dragged me upstairs, taking her bags with her. She sat me down in the small bathroom. She then circled me like a hawk circling its prey. She then smiled and attacked my hair and face. A couple hours later the doorbell rang.

"Pizza!" yelled Charlie from downstairs.

Alice and I walked into the kitchen and I grabbed a slice of pizza. We turned back to the stairs but Charlie stopped us.

"Alice, aren't you going to have any pizza? I honestly think that you should eat something. You're awfully thin and ---" Charlie rambled but was cut off by Alice.

"No thank you, Charlie. Honestly, I'm not that hungry." Alice smiled.

"Okay, If you're sure," said Charlie with a confused expression on his face.

We scurried back up the stairs and then Alice turned to me, "Bella, what was that about?"

"I was just about to ask you the same question. I bet Charlie's reading one of those health magazines or something." I concluded.

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Alice talked for a few more hours until my eyelids wouldn't stay open. I fell asleep and Alice pretended to sleep.

In the morning, Charlie surprised us with Bacon and Eggs; the only thing that he knew how to make without burning the house down.

Alice politely turned down breakfast and me and Charlie ate silently. What Charlie said shocked me.

"Bella, could you step out for a second? I need to talk to Alice."

I looked at Alice and then back to Charlie, "Sure, Dad."

I walked into the living room so I was still in hearing distance.

"Alice, I'm only saying this because I'm worried about you. It-It's not healthy to not eat. Anorexia is a big problem and you need help." Said Charlie; the concern showing in his voice.

I tried my best to stifle my laughter. Charlie thought Alice had an eating disorder!

"Charlie," Alice paused, "I'm not anorexic!!! I---"

She was cut off by Charlie.

"Alice, think of Carlisle! How disappointed do you think he would be if he found out about this?"

"No, you're wrong, Charlie. If I had a problem, I would most definitely tell someone." Alice assured.

I heard a plate being moved across the table.

"Alice, show me that you don't have a problem. Eat this food… ALL of it."

I peered into the kitchen. On the plate in front of Alice was a huge pile of eggs, four sausage links, and at least eight strips of bacon. To any human it would look tasty. I saw Alice wrinkle her nose in disgust before picking up a scrawny strip of bacon and shoving it into her mouth.

"Mmm… delicious. Thanks Charlie." She mumbled.

"Anytime, Alice. Bella, you can come back in here now." He shouted; he obviously didn't know that I was right there.

I walked into the kitchen, trying to keep a straight face. This was just too funny! Alice noticed me trying not to laugh because she gave me the death glare. Even coming from little Alice… it was still deadly.

Charlie left and looked back at me.

"Bella, make sure Alice eats all of the food on that plate," he said before leaving.

I looked at Alice and she shot me a pleading look.

"Oh, Bella, _please_ don't make me eat this." She wined.

I shook my head. This was my perfect way to play revenge; after all, Alice made me suffer through her beauty torture.

I snickered, "Nope, you heard Charlie. I'm only doing this for your benefit Alice. Imagine what people would think if they knew you were starving yourself," I teased, "Eat up."

She grumbled and very slowly, piece by piece, she choked down the food. She mumbled a few incoherent words. All I caught was, "Torture… unfair… disgusting"

After the plate was clean, Alice ran up to the bathroom. I'm guessing to get rid of her 'breakfast'. Charlie walked in the door.

"Bella, I forgot my work keys… where's Alice?" He asked.

"She's in the bathroom; she ate all of the food, no need to worry." I said smirking.

"That's great Bella! Tell her I'm proud of her… and make sure Alice eats lunch too." Said Charlie right before slipping out the door.

I heard Alice groan at the word 'lunch'. I felt a cool breeze flow right past me and heard the door shut. Looking out the window, I saw Alice's Porsche zoom away.

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About two minutes later, the phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Bella," the smooth voice said.

"Hey Edward. Did Alice get home?" I asked.

"Yes... Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you _DO_ to her?"

I chuckled, "It's a funny story actually…"

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**A/n: So… Did you like it? It was really fun to write****; I hope you had fun reading it! As I said this was my very lame attempt at humor so forgive me if it was bad.**

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**Review? Please?**


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